70000 Tons Of Metal 2015 Part II - Bloodlust, Bongs And Birthdays On The Caribbean Sea!

February 25, 2015, 9 years ago

“Metal” Tim Henderson

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70000 Tons Of Metal 2015 Part II - Bloodlust, Bongs And Birthdays On The Caribbean Sea!

The ongoing tale of the 70000 Tons Of Metal Cruise 2015, which sailed Thursday, January 22nd on board the Royal Caribbean "Liberty Of The Seas" from Port Everglades in Fort Lauderdale, Florida to Ocho Rios, Jamaica - and returned on Monday, January 26th. Check out part I here.

Saturday, January 24th


“I don’t like Jamaica … I love it!” Yeah, that famous 10CC song uttered through my dazed noggin’ as we prepared ourselves to leave the Liberty Of The Seas. Just get up n’ go I say! No need for nourishment on the ship as there’s plenty of bounty on shore. When the cruise woke up, we had arrived at the port of Ocho Rios. Keep in mind, it’s still close to third world country with plenty of corruption issues and of course the smell of weed and other halucinogenics waft in the air no matter where you travel. But you better be leaving that stuff on the island when you check out! Ocho Rios is still in the midst of a government revitalization plan, and building continues to this day as was quite noticeable at this cruise port, although most of the resorts are west to Montego Bay and Negril. And we are far from the capital of Kingston. So aside from looking for remnants of the debut James Bond film Dr. No (which was filmed here in the early ‘60s), Mark and I meander through the core and walk east towards some kind of local comforts. The geography and scenery are gorgeous, but as we walk towards a beach, a chair and a beverage, you damn well be aware of your surroundings. 

The beaches are either tied to resorts or safely guarded, as the one we encountered about 20 minutes from the downtown area. Upon walking in, the was a security check-point and the gentleman looked at me and pointed to my pentagram around my neck and said ‘you can come in if you give me that.’ I looked at Gromen and remarked that this was my ‘sacred heart’ and ‘no way!’ He laughed and said go on in! So we arrived and sought out the obligatory necessities for hanging on a beach and we encountered members from Destruction, Melechesh and Heathen singer David Godfrey (aka David White) - now a full-time pool instructor - who gave us a Bay Area thrash history lesson. In the background there were numerous catamarans with the marker Cool Runnings on the side (see photo above), which led to many John Candy memories (it was his last film to be released in his lifetime about Jamaica’s national bobsled team) and of course jokes! 

After many Red Stripes (the famous local beer of choice), it was time for nourishment and we wandered to the area that had been wafting smoke all day and order a fine feast of jerk (chicken and shrimp) along the finest conch fritters I’ve had in my life. Eat, Drink & Be Metal for life! This was another perfect moment for our moniker. On the way back, it’s important to purchase the supplies that cost quite heavily on board (namely water and pop) along with a few local spices including jerk. As it was my birthday, so it was important to connect with loved ones at home and if you can get an internet connection, it’s easy to FaceTime or Facebook. Yeah, kinda surreal to celebrate your birthday in Jamaica then on a cruise ship with a few thousand bands and metal heads. But there were much more pressing issues than blowing candles out on a cake!

Back on the ship strictly at 3:30 as the vessel left quite promptly at 4PM, with dark, menacing clouds in our wake. In my birthday haze, the rest of the evening (to my recollection) was spent bar-hopping with my Pool Girl buds and big BW&BK; fans Sam and Jaime (including a body-numbing Long Island Iced Tea-like cocktail provided by Sweden Rock’s towering Martin Forssman) and watching Behemoth’s second set (inside the Platinum Theater), Apocalyptica, Napalm Death and Arch Enemy’s Pool Deck dual guitar expose!


Sunday, January 25th

Breakfast with Anvil! Yes, 10AM set on the Pool Deck. Sadly this was one that I missed! But man, I idolize these guys and aside from Rush, NO OTHER Canadian band has put out two albums back-to-back like Anvil and their unsurpassed Metal On Metal and glorious Forged In Fire. Both are tattooed on my body and part of my DNA! So it’s much more than just the movie, Anvil! The Story Of Anvil. 

Keep in mind, when you are crashing before dawn, these old bones find it difficult to function on minimal sleep! And I tell ya, they must’ve made money on Mark and I, cuz we rarely ate. One stable meal during the day and the usual “midnight” snack, well after midnight! Not good and certainly not a lifestyle to sustain! Anyway, Primal Fear and Grave Digger’s second set (now on the Pool stage) were up next, but I was caught up in interview-mode. Cannibal Corpse on the Pool Deck was a must-see, a band I’ve followed since day 1 (as you probably know). But when I stood there watching the first song on their set, “Staring Through The Eyes Of The Dead” I couldn’t help but think of a tale from years ago. When we were building the metal section at the HMV Superstore in downtown Toronto, it coincided with the early growth of the band which included the now-legendary, but overly graphic Chris Barnes-era Eaten Back To Life (1990), Butchered At Birth (1991) and the envelope-pushing sexual escapades of Tomb Of The Mutilated. Despite the fact that we were selling many hundreds of copies, the HMV Head Office decided to pull the plug on the band and yank the catalog from our shelves. This obviously caused an outcry from our customers, and even louder, those of us in the middle that still wanted their art to be accessed! Our President at the time was the loveable Paul Alofs, who ran the company for nearly six very productive and lucrative six years. He went onto to run BMG Canada and was a GM for the Disney Stores in the US. There was plenty of back n’ forth with Mr. Alofs about our beloved Cannibal Corpse and when the ban was finally lifted, our store went on to sell (by far) the most catalog from a death metal band ever. So as I stood watching them on a cruise ship, it was jut one of those surreal moments of how far everyone had grown. One of those “pinch-myself” events that make you stare out at the sea and reminisce. Most cruisers can relate to those sea-staring moments as the waves take you away to (hopefully) a better place. Back to the stage … despite the fact that Alex Webster had bass issues for the entire first song, Cannibal slaughtered the Pool Deck with some of their most vile classicks as “Icepick Lobotomy”, “Addicted To Vaginal Skin”, “Pounded Into Dust” and the ultimate crowd-pleaser, “Hammer Smashed Face.” Frontman George “Corspegrinder” Fisher made the hilarious comment on-stage: “Stop asking for ‘Freebird’ ‘cause we ain’t fucking playing it!”

Amorphis was the next priority as me and my Kataklysm buds went to hear some Tales From The Thousands Lakes! Wow, another treat for fans (for the first-time ever prior to the upcoming festival season) as the packed Platinum Theater was privy to one of the turning points in heavy metal, all in the live setting, just over 20 years since its release! “The Castaway” emerged as the monster it is, followed later by the glorious “Drowned Maid” and the most recognizable “hit” off the album, “Black Winter Day”. The album still shines to this day! Watch for a killer interview with originals Esa Holopainen and Tomi Koivusaari in the coming days. It was my first meeting of the minds as we discussed all eras of the band and the entire cruise ship experience. One of my highlights on the cruise and we would rekindle the chat later in the casino bar. 

 

Other rendezvous that night included another Michael Amott session, more Anvil idolizing and a heavy does of Trouble by way of new singer and legendary Exhorder frontman Kyle Thomas who deserves much more recognition, especially the brutal Slaughter In The Vatican release! Trouble’s good-humoured soundman Larry Burns enlightened me on the magic of setting up for Chicago’s doom lords by way of Pink Floyd! A fifteen minute montage of classics including the mountainous Animals album that helps him figure out the acoustics in any room via his tablet! 

Annihilator’s Pool Deck set was followed by the Skipper’s Thank You and then a quick peak into Destruction’s set in the Plantinum Theater. 

In bed at 6AM, followed by the rude wake-up call at 10 AM to disembark the ship. My head feels like it’s been mummified for 1000 years! Onward to the cab area where I part ways with Mark and then make my way back to Fort Lauderdale beach to recover for the rest of the week! We were greeted by the first rain I’d seen since I arrived and the locals looked like they were ready to build a snow fort! I hazily ventured back to the A1A beach area and was able to check into my room early. 

Weather was the topic of conversation, as the North East US was getting hit by another storm, so that meant Mark and I would meet again and he’d be instrumental in helping me with my supplies for the rest of the week. I had no need for a car for a number of reasons, as I just wanted to bounce from my computer to the beach and back again. Throw in the daily jog for clarity reasons! And there’s nothing more therapeutic in January than waking up and staring at palm trees and cascading waves in the glorious sunshine. And that was my daily routine. Lotsa writing, many beach beers, night-time bourbons and of course swimming in seafood! 

70000 2016 can’t come fast enough. But I’m not sure if my liver can handle another birthday on the cruise! 

For more metal cruising fun visit 70000tons.com.



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