SLIPKNOT - “I Just Do The Best I Can, Man”
January 8, 2007, 17 years ago
Metal DVDs are a common practice nowadays, with labels looking to shore up some cash in the wake of the mp3 generation’s refusal to buy CDs en masse. Though Slipknot has released its share of DVDs (2002’s live Disasterpieces was particularly adept at conveying the band’s intense concert energy), its latest home video display is the unique and completely off-the-wall Voliminal: Inside The Nine. Not nearly the documentary-style DVD anyone was expecting, Voliminal is a film directed by Slipknot’s Shawn Crahan (aka Clown, aka #6); to describe this film as bizarre or artistic is a supreme understatement. Crahan was more than willing to discuss his motives behind the film and, as you’ll see, his honesty and straight-forward nature throughout the duration of our interview is insightful and intriguing. So, since it seems all of you have already had a chance to check out Voliminal (it went platinum in the US within, like, a week), here’s the detailed, super-interesting chat with Slipknot’s Shawn Crahan in its entirety. It’s a long read, but it’s worth it.
BW&BK;: Voliminal is not a conventional music DVD in the least. Was putting out something different your main goal?
Crahan: One, we’re going with the idea that it’s a film. It’s definitely not a documentary, it’s not a movie - Spielberg makes movies. It’s definitely a film. The idea was to get away from menus and conventional ways of thinking. The whole DVD thing is at a loss, and it’s obvious. People in this industry think they’re smart with their fancy shoes and dialect and the way they part their hair. They think they’ve come up with new ways of creating income. But if you stack up all the facts, you’ll see that the whole record industry is down. You’ll see that everything they come up with is down. And that’s because they just create efficiency, and they try to create quick cash. I’m trying to create something that lasts, like the Mona Lisa. In 900 years from now when they do a little segment on CDs and DVDs on the History Channel, they’re going to interview some historian. That historian is going to say, ‘These are DVDs. Out of the rock end of it, these are the ten that really did anything.’ Well, Voliminal: Inside The Nine will be one of those ten. That wasn’t my intention. But I had an honest decision to try to make something worthwhile and something worthwhile for people. Something to make them think. Something to help them snap out of the curse or haze or spell they’re under and make them think again. There’s not much talking during the whole DVD, but you get it. It just moves. It was my intention to destroy the imprint.
BW&BK;: What was the motivation behind some of those especially unconventional shots? In one segment you go from energetic fans outside the band’s bus directly to a close-up of pigeons in the next shot.
Crahan: What’s nice is that you brought up the pigeons, and the reason you brought up the pigeons is because the pigeons imprinted your brain. I bet you they imprint it for a couple of reasons. Mainly, the colour and movement. Those things put a photograph in your brain forever. Because you brought them up, this is what I’ve decided to do as this person who is involved with this DVD. Anytime someone has asked me a question specifically like that, I’ll give you the thought behind the edit. There’s 325 edits. We know what the conventional edit is. It’s someone in the band rocking out or whatever. That’s the conventional way. That’s mainly what a lot of people want, including us. We love that, that’s what we do. It’s our one hour or two hour God; it’s up there on stage. So that’s the big percentage. But the unconventional stuff like the pigeons you mentioned... I’ve talked about the pigeons quite a bit because they have been brought up quite a bit. Let’s say we’re at a venue and I call my wife and we’re fighting and really it’s just because we miss each other. Maybe I’m seven hours ahead or behind her. My wife and I always complain because we can never get our schedules right when I’m in Europe. When I’m the United States or Canada, or even Australia or Japan we never have problems for some reason. But whenever I’m in Europe, forget about it because it’s seven hours ahead. Let’s say I’m in Germany and I’m at a venue and depressed and needing to get home. So me and my friend just take a walk and we find ourselves in this park. It’s good to walk. You lose weight, you stay in shape, you stay healthy. A really close friend of mine took 99.9% of the film’s shots, the live shots and all that... and we found ourselves upon these birds. And we just happen to have some bread with us and we’re sitting there and we put the camera down. And the pigeons trusted us and we trusted them and they got near the camera. So the pigeons really represent missing home, man. Usually you just want to see me on stage kicking my ass for you. That’s not acceptable anymore. You love us so much, the fans love us so much, the maggots (note: ‘maggots’ is Slipknot’s code-word for its fans) love us so much. We love them. We’re doing this together, it’s one and the same. So here’s a little metaphor or parable, call it what you will. There’s 325 edits and each one of them, you could say: ‘What’s this?’ And I’d be like, it’s sexual tension, y’know (laughs). You could be like, ‘What’s this?’ and I’d say it was missing home. You know what I’m saying? That’s the idea.
BW&BK;: The sequencing is also really unique. Sometimes the shots are at diametric opposites and sometimes they flow together. What was the idea behind this type of sequencing? Were you trying to get something specific across?
Crahan: Well, I was supposed to do a director’s cut that was supposed to answer some of those questions you’re asking. You’re definitely hitting on it. I had to go through close to 500 video tapes and the only way to make a film that wasn’t just going to be completely random and then get boring really quick was to get subconscious themes going. So the sequencing is very important, there is a sequence. It is a film. There is a plot there. It starts and moves forward, and it definitely ends. Everything is a reminder that it’s getting close to the end or it’s just at the beginning or it’s half-way through… even people just taking deep breaths, that means it’s almost over. There’s an edit of someone just barely getting onto the tram that gets him to the next terminal because he missed the last one and he just takes a big, deep breath. Well, that’s kind of letting you know that there’s a little more to go. Hang in there. Hang in there, there’s only 25 more minutes, you’ll make it (laughs). It’s that thought-out, man. It’s not a joke. I was given the time to be able to do that though, and I’ve been working on this for three and a half years. So it wasn’t easy.
BW&BK;: Do you worry that some fans aren’t going to get what’s going on in the film? Do you worry that some fans might expect A Year and a Half in the Life of Slipknot or something like that?
Crahan: Yeah, but here’s the beautiful thing. Break it down to a percentage. How many fans are not going to get it? And then how many of the fans that don’t get it… what are their ages? Here’s what I know: kids who have been with us since 14 years of age now have families. Kids who were really, really, really rebellious when I met ‘em in ’98 have families and have named their kids after us and are fucking right on page. So if they didn’t get it then, they’re going to get it now. One way or another, we’re doing the right thing. I’m not trying to appease the people who aren’t going to get it right off the bat. My whole goal is to make them get it. And the people who do get it will be the ones who will teach.
BW&BK;: How did you come up with the film’s unique concept? Did you toy around with the idea for a long time or did it just quickly come to you?
Crahan: I’m different. Slipknot is different. We just do what we do. I don’t need to think about it. It’s like being President. If you’re President, you get to pass bills and laws but you’ve got a lot of fucking people you’ve got to fucking go up against – Congress and all these dudes. Y’know, Democrats and Republicans and blah blah blah blah blah. It’s such bullshit. It makes me bored. But, in the rock ‘n’ roll world, it’s kind of the same thing. It’s us artists against this industry. And I’d love to be in charge one day. One day. And that’s the whole point, man. It’s easy for us. I know it looks different, but I was born to do this. I’ll do it again. Ask me to do it right now, and I’ll do it again. Know what I’m saying? (laughs). And it won’t be anything like you saw on Voliminal. That was then. It’s over with. That whole thing? I can never be that again. Even if I took more footage from Voliminal and the whole Volume 3 cycle, even if I took more footage from that and made more stuff it’d be a completely different experiment. I’m done with Voliminal: Inside The Nine. It was a big piece of work, but there’s closure. It was our intention to be truthful. I know it’s different, but it’s easy for me. Y’know, I go into Best Buy and I see what other people and bands are making available and I know I’m over it. A lot of the people I used to look up to to facilitate my need for good art bore me to death now. And I’m talking about big bands. You can guess all you want; I’m not gonna dog any of ‘em in print. But there were a lot of bands that… now it’s just the same shit. The same shit over and over and over. Maybe there’s a little bit of reaching, but it’s the same thing. I’m all about, like… God, I’d just love to bring it down, man.
BW&BK;: On Disc 2 there are conventional interviews with each band member. The biggest theme in your interview segment is your effort to strike a work/life balance between Slipknot and your family. I find it interesting that you’re going through that in a band context, because you mostly hear about that sort of thing from people with corporate desk jobs. What are your thoughts in trying to find that balance?
Crahan: For me, unfortunately I can’t really let the world in on all my inner workings and the things I’ve struggled with in my family. But you can imagine. I mean, everybody’s the same. We all have the same needs, wants, desires, hates, loves and all that. I’m constantly struggling because I just recently realized that reality equals Slipknot to me. I’m a better person out there than I am at home. That is a hard statement to put on one’s self, but it’s a truthful statement. No one has to look in very hard to understand that. I am doing the very best I can with my family and they love me and they need me and we get along and have fun. However, I have four children from the ages of 15 down to two and a half. I have a two and half year old, a ten year old, a 13 year old and a 15 year old. I’ve been married 13 years to my soulmate. We go through what everybody goes through. We don’t give up. Everybody thinks about giving up, but we don’t want to give up because there’s love there. Every day that I’m home, I just always constantly struggle with trying to make the right decisions. And the right decisions are to do things that matter and to make a difference in your child’s life. I always make sure that I tell my kids that I love them before I go to bed. My oldest son is 13 and in front of people he didn’t even know last night - people who were over at our house, some friends of mine in a band – he came out to tell me goodnight and that he loved me. And I told him I loved him. He was able to say that right in front of these people he doesn’t know, and he’s a 13 year old boy. He’s going through peer pressure and trying to find one’s social scene and where does he fit in, and he was still able to tell his old man he loves him. Those things are installed. But maybe I spend a little bit too much time on the phone doing all sorts of interviews when maybe I could have taken my son to the library. We’re talking about life imprinting here, and that’s what I tried to convey the best I could. I’m more or less talking about trying to accomplish things that will really, really stand out ten years from now in my kids’ minds. And that’s what I’m struggling with, constantly. Because when I’m out with Slipknot out on the road it’s easy. I’m not proud of this, but it’s been brought to my attention and my wife has helped me realize this, but when I’m out on the road, people are holding my passport. People are telling me what my room number is and my hotel. People are handing me my hotel key. People are handing me an envelope with this week’s per diem so I can buy myself food if I want or a t-shirt or if I need a toothbrush… y’know, just a little scratch money. People are sliding pieces of paper under my door giving me my whole schedule for the whole day. And we break it down to the half-hour. 10 o’clock you could be getting picked up and at 10:30 you could be doing an interview. It doesn’t get down into that 15 minute world, because that gets confusing. Especially when you’re tired and trying to tour and trying to do interviews and talk to your family. But out there I’ve got a million people doing a million things for me. Not only are they doing it for me, but they’re also telling me what to do. I’m fine with being told what to do, because this is what I want to do and I can’t do it all by myself. I want to do interviews. I want to play live. I want to eat catering. I want to talk to my wife on the phone. I want to get in my bunk for an hour and take a nap. That whole life out there is easy. It’s down to the half hour, my friend. I can tell my tour manager that I will be in my bunk for two hours. That I am unavailable. I can say, ‘Can you have someone come out there and wake me up to make me available?’ And he’s like, ‘Of course, Clown.’ I come home, and my wife is like, ‘What’s your problem?’ And I’ve got to figure out what is my problem. My youngest son takes a shit, I’ve got to change his diaper. My oldest daughter asks for 25 bucks and then asks when I’m going to teach her to drive. Sometimes when I can’t do things with my family, I start to feel regret. And then time runs out and you’re gone with Slipknot touring again. That’s the struggle I’m in 24 hours a day when I’m in this home reality. But it’s a battle well worth it, because these people are my blood. They’re my family. This is what I have. This is all that matters.
BW&BK;: So many bands talk about how hard it is to re-adjust to home life after being on the road for, like, ten months. Do you go through that?
Crahan: I have a very difficult circumstance. My circumstance isn’t any worse or better than the next guy. We all have our lives that we live and it’s how you live it in this business... this business that is my dream: rock ‘n’ roll. But with me, I have a wife and four kids. So when I leave I’ve got to call home and talk to five people. That’s five sets of problems. That’s five people that need me. Five people that love me. And at any one time, I’m telling ya… three of those five are fucked up (laughs). This kid is getting a bad grade and this kid is getting in trouble and the bus driver is calling home about it. My wife’s pissed off because of this or this. My eldest daughter just broke up with her boyfriend, and it’s just like… you just do the best you can, man. You just do the best you can, all day long. That’s where I’m at, man. I have an extremely hard time, because out on tour I know what I’m doing. When Clown walks on stage, it all stops. I’ve got to admit, it all stops. Even my own will to live stops. So it shouldn’t sound mean that I’m not thinking about my wife or my kids or you or Jesus or anybody when Clown walks on stage. I’m thinking about living in this thing that started it all for me, which is my incredible need, love, desire and passion for music. And art. And I disappear in it when I’m allowed to. On tour, it’s 22 and a half hours of pure shit and an hour and a half of God, if there is one. That world is easy to understand. Coming home, I’m just fucking clueless. I’m so clueless. But don’t get me wrong, I do a really good job. My friends tell me all the time. They say it all the time. People who have kids, when they come to my house they say, ‘Your kids love you.’ And I’ll say, ‘Really, man? They’re mad at me right now.’ And those people will tell me that they can so tell how much my kids love me. You know what I mean? They see that and it’s like… wow. I was 26 when I started the band and I’m 37 now. It’s a good place, family and the road. Both are contrasts and both are very important. I just spend my time trying to tell the maggots and people a little bit of my realizations about the truth behind it. My wife watched my interview on Voliminal, and I asked her what she thought. She said it was really good, but she said: ‘I hope the fans won’t be mad at you for talking about your family too much.’ That made me so sad. I was so sad that my wife said that. And that’s exactly why I said everything about my family in the interview. Because even she feels like she should be second to the band. And that’s just fucked up, man. She watched all my kids for ten years while I go out and live my dream and in the end she was worried about the fans because I was talking about my family. And I was like, ‘I should only be talking about you.’ She’s my wife. She’s not allowed in rock ‘n’ roll because I’m the rock star? People need to know that she was at home for ten years faithfully watching three kids and then in the last two and half years we’ve added another. And that’s part of it. Everybody wants to know why the Clown, on stage, grabs his crotch or hits a keg with a bat… fuck it, that’s who I am. And some of that is reactions to leaving the ones I need almost more than I need the band. So I’m in a real life situation. But, like I said before, I just try to do the best I can every day. I’m not going to quit. I need Slipknot. But I’m just trying to live and do the best I can for both, and that’s what the interview is about.
BW&BK;: Well, doing the best you can is exactly the best thing you can do in life.
Crahan: It’s all you can do, man. It’s all you can do. You can give up too, but that’s not me.
BW&BK;: Given where you’re at in your life, do you find it difficult to relate to Slipknot’s lyrics? There’s so much angst and anger in them. Can you still relate to the Slipknot lyrical front?
Crahan: That’s an interesting question. Slipknot is a way of life and I’ve never questioned anything anybody has ever brought to the table. It’s always felt natural. I’ve never had a problem with it. Corey (Taylor, vocals) always spends a lot of time going somewhere real. Sometimes it’s very personal. However, he doesn’t speak for me. But at the same time he does speak for me. We’re in the same thought process. Maybe the words don’t personally speak on anything I want to speak about, but because he’s the lead singer and he took the time, I’m with him about speaking what he is. And I’ll draw some sort of parallel universe and I will make it my own. And that’s why I’m still in Slipknot. Because of the lyrics. And the rhythm. And the tone. The lyrics are Corey. They’re who he is. And just in the way the other people bring their stuff, I react to Corey’s lyrics. And Corey’s lyrics rule. Sometimes he says personal things or he’s going down some road he felt he had to, but I just draw my own story. And I still see the kids… I know how important our shit is to kids, man. We as a band always try to heal ourselves with whatever we contribute. Corey, I can’t speak for him… but I know that those kids sing every fucking vowel. We go to Japan and those people sing louder than kids in America. And you go to talk to any one of those people in Japan, behind the stage, and they can’t speak English. But they’re singing the songs! But they’re that intelligent that they sit there and study it. And they love it so much. They mimic it and learn it. So when people sing along but they can’t speak English, you’re like… ‘What the fuck is going on?’ I just know that everything we’ve done from the first record to now is still like the bible in Slipknot’s eyes and for our fans. Those lines, it’s all part of this. And it’s never let us down. I love what Corey does. It’s always felt right. Sometimes people say things or whatever, but we’re a family. And we try to get it all on page by the time it gets to you. I don’t look at it like we’re growing up or that it hasn’t changed. I know the last record, there’s not one cuss word on it. Did you know that? That’s where we go as a band, but that was Corey’s idea. He felt we were on another journey and he wanted to try it. And I remember asking him, ‘Why do you want to do that?’ Because I did my To My Surprise record, and my partner and I did the same thing. We wanted to do our best to make a record with no cuss words on it. And we did it. And I still say fuck all the time. It had nothing to do with stopping. It just had to do with trying something else and succeeding at it. And Corey wanted to do his best. I don’t want to speak for him, but I do know we had that conversation and by the end of it I was like, ‘Wow man, you’re really on page with some heavy shit.’ So he did it. But a lot of people don’t take the time to think about that.
BW&BK;: I understand what you’re saying. When I started listening to the band in ’99, I was 18 and I related to the lyrics. Now I’m 25 and I relate to the energy of the music. I got over the angst that I related to in ’99, and now I listen to Slipknot because of its energy.
Crahan: We’re on our own journey. We can’t get locked up on trying to make everyone else happy. We have to make ourselves happy first. We’re the ones going through all the experiences. We’re the ones going through all the drama, all the… we’re on a rocket ride. People have come, people have gone. I used to hang out with Dimebag Darrel all the chances I could. He and his brother were part of our immediate family from the very beginning. The very first show we did after Ozzfest was in Deep Elm live in Dallas, Texas and Vinnie and Dime came out. It was the very first show after that Ozzfest run. And, y’know, I’m never going to see Dimebag again. It’s sad. I had to go through that. We all did. What I’m saying is that Slipknot goes through a lot. You gotta take that experience and it has to have something to do with the next record you’re going to make. If it doesn’t, you’re not doing shit for yourself or for the world. So we’re changing. You don’t want me to be who I was in ’98. I got it out. If you saw it, and you connected it, and you were there, you lived it, you’ll know why I went into the zone I went to for the Iowa record. And you’ll know why I changed into what I did to for Volume 3. I was 26 when I started the band, 29 when the band got signed, I spent my 30th birthday on the road, and I’m 37 now. I’m going to be almost 40 years old by the time I get on the fucking road to play again. People still want me to be pissed off? Fuck. How old are you?
BW&BK;: I’m 25. Like I mentioned, when I started listening to the band in ‘99 it was about the angst in the lyrics. Now that I’m over the angst, it’s about the energy in the music.
Crahan: I know where you’re coming from. And seriously man, I have scars on my body that remind me of ’98 and ’99, y’know? (laughs) I’ve got broken bones, bro. There’s things I can’t do anymore. I cracked my tailbone. My eye socket cracked. We lived that and we beat that shit out of us. Thank God we healed. And now we’re just going where life takes us. So it’s a beautiful thing, man. It’s a whole experiment and a whole journey and you never know when it’s going to end. The light at the end of the tunnel, that’s all bullshit. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. There’s darkness at the end of the tunnel.
BW&BK;: The light is now.
Crahan: The light is now, man! Get it on. The eternal sleep is beautiful too, because it comes back around and it’s alright. Right now it’s like this: I sit here in this reality every day of my life and wonder why is it like this? Like right now I’m looking out my back window and I’m looking at that big green box that all the cables go into in your backyard. I just think, how fucking ugly is that? If I lived up on a mountain I bet I wouldn’t have to deal with that shit. That’s just my opinion, though. And then I look over at the next person’s yard and the cable company has put about a dozen pink flags in the neighbour’s yard. Although they’re pink, I find them kind of attractive. Why do I have to look at the shit? It’s very frustrating. But I just do the best I can, and you should too.