GOD FORBID’s Dallas Coyle On Band’s New Album - "I'm Hoping, Pleading And Wishing For This Album To Be Panned By Critics, Internet Trolls And Whoever Wants To Shit On It"

December 5, 2008, 15 years ago

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GOD FORBID guitarist Dallas Coyle has written the latest instalment of his column on MetalSucks, The Hard R. In this edition, Dallas observes the fact that the most successful metal bands are the ones that attract the most hatred amongst online metal communities, and invites critics to “drink God Forbid Haterade” when it comes to the band’s forthcoming album Earthsblood, out February 24th. An excerpt follows:

Seriously, I'm talking about haterade because I think bands that get hated on generally become more successful. Right now, I'm hoping, pleading and wishing for this album to be panned by critics, internet trolls and whoever wants to shit on it. You may ask me, "Why Dallas? Why dost thou-eth needest us to protesteth soeth mucheth?" Because we need some boiling water in our career. We need people to hate. We need people to defend. We need to fight a fucking war for this record to push us to another place. We are a successful band. I want to be more successful. I want anyone out there who hates God Forbid to say they hate us. I don't want reasons. I don't want debates. I want hate!!!

I have a theory about why people don't drink God Forbid Haterade. Let's look at the careers of the most recent hated bands: TRIVIUM, AVENGED SEVENFOLD, BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE are just a couple of examples. These bands have great careers, but they have strong Haterade Brands. I'm sure their myspace messages are divided up into fan mail and hate mail. We've received hate mail and it's pretty fucking great. But not as widespread as I really want and need it to be. These bands catch hate for a vast amount of reasons, but mostly I think it's because they have images not because of their music. I think it's because people can't stand that people like them. I also think it's because they are white! It's very normal and OK in our society to hate white people. I don't hate white people but it's real easy to hate a successful white person.

It's a Catch 22 to hate on God Forbid. It's like the debates we had with Barack Obama. If you're white and hate us, people think you're racist. If you're black and hate us, you're a sell out. If you're Hispanic and hate us, just go do some cocaine.

Get charged up! Show the true hate. We need a career with lefts, rights, love, hate... I'm saying it right here and now. If you can't stand our band and are afraid to talk shit about us because people will think you're racist, don't worry about it. I know you are, so talk as much shit as you want! If you're black and hate us because we're doing what you want to do, don't worry about. I know you're an Uncle Tom!

In all seriousness, if you can't stand the music, the personalities or just my stupid mouth, please tell your friend, your mom, your grandma, your psychiatrist, your girlfriend, that we suck... Tell them that we suck not just metaphorically, but physically. I'll help you out, "God Forbid sucks _________" Insert the word there. Here some examples: Cock, dick, pussy, schlong, dog's ass, cat's ass, elephant schlong, dirty whore's snatch, gout ridden toe jam, etc, etc. It's OK. I give you carte blanche because you probably are a racist and definitely a sell out Uncle Tom! This is America. What would it be like if you weren't...

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