GENE SIMMONS - How Many Women Can One Man Actually Sleep With?

December 8, 2009, 14 years ago

news rock hard gene simmons

Esquire has issued the following report from Stacey Grenrock Woods:

Is it even possible that GENE SIMMONS could have slept with 4,600 women?

Why so incredulous about our Gene? Would you dare question the veracity of a Hagar, a Coverdale, or even a Nugent? Topknot or not, Gene Simmons can hold his own with any other rock 'n' roll god. It's more than "even possible," my good man. In fact, it's quite probable.

John Allen Paulos, an actual mathematician, says, "Gene Simmons is around 60 years old, and let's assume he's been sexually active for at least 40 years. Since 4,600 ÷ 40 = 115, he'd have had to average 115 women a year during that time, or about two a week. Physically that seems easily doable." Even if you adjust the figure to account for the time Simmons has spent in monogamous relationships with Cher, Diana Ross, Shannon Tweed, and Paul Stanley, you must factor in the infinite opportunities for group sex that the world's hugest rock stars and sex columnists confront daily.

"So a famous and rich rock star is able to score with a variety of women during the most explosive moment of sexual freedom of all time?" says Dale Sherman, author of Black Diamond: The Unauthorized Biography of KISS, referring to, among other things, the '70s. "Yeah, it sounds feasible." Besides, it's legends like these that fuel what's come to be called the KISS Army, an all-volunteer youth force that is, as I understand it, dedicated to the service of its blood-spewing idol, Mr. Simmons.

So the next time you are moved to question the "modern-day man of steel," as the song goes, have a word with yourself. The Demon is good with numbers.

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