GWAR's First Female Scumdog Vulvatron - "My Sexual Functions Are Far Too Advanced To Mate With Most Primitive Forms"
September 24, 2014, 10 years ago
GWAR's new female scumdog, Vulvatron discusses her origins and how she became one of the scumdogs of the universe in a new interview with Metal Injection. An excerpt follows:
Q: Why do you think it took GWAR so long to add another female member?
A: "GWAR enjoyed giving you humans blue balls for many years."
Q: Which member of GWAR did you sleep with to get the gig?
A: "Vulvatron's sexual prowess is far superior, and although I slept with the entire band and management at the same time, they were not able to keep up. My sexual functions are far too advanced to mate with most primitive forms."
Q: Does sexism exist in GWAR? Are you only entitled to 70% of the crack compared to male members?
A: "I consumed the entire crack rider, and then needed a further crack buyout for lunch, dinner, and aftershow. GWAR is an extremely sexist band, we all believe in having all of the sex all the time."
Read the entire interview here.
GWAR, the most brutal band in existence, has bolstered its ranks leading up to the GWAR Eternal Tour. The Berserker Blóthar and Vulvatron are the latest intergalactic warriors to be banished to the pathetic mudball known as Planet Earth. Blóthar; a fat, filthy, frozen space viking, will take over as GWAR's lead vocalist. The role of the red-hot cybernetic spitfire known as Vulvatron is more mysterious... Both will feature prominently in the anticipated GWAR Eternal Tour - which promises to be the most shocking and entertaining rock show of the year! Get to know your new masters before they grind you to a bloody pulp!
Blóthar:
Size- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL
Origin- The Berserker Blóthar is an ancient shape-shifting holy warrior from the planet Scumdoggia. Blóthar is known to associate with intergalactic outlaw biker gangs
Position- Doggy Style baby! A true Renaissance man; Blóthar sings, he dances, he kills things...
Features- Blóthar wears a ceremonial headdress fashioned from the gigantic antlers and pelt of a Spectral Moon Moose he killed eons ago. He carries a mighty battle axe, an impenetrable shield, and for some reason has grown a set of hideous space udders
Hobbies- Ice fishing and ritual murder
Quote- "I went into a trance of blinding rage. I must have killed a million space apes. I was sleeping it off, and I woke up with a piss boner. I figure, why waste it, you know? So I'm rubbing one out, and the next thing I know, I'm on stage with GWAR in front of thousands of hideous, acne-ridden teenaged humanoids. I was promised there would be Wi-Fi, but it's hit or miss...."
Vulvatron:
Size- Genetically engineered to the optimum proportions for a female of her species
Origin- Vulvatron has returned from the year 69000, where she was a high-ranking Scumdog assassin in the battle against futuro-fascist forces. Her primary functions include mastery of the arts of war, quantum mechanics, and intergalactic musicology
Position- Head Bitch In Charge
Features- Shock-white dreadlocks, high-tech armor, cybernetic implants, boob spew, prominent posterior
Hobbies- Adapting her superior technology and sexual prowess to the present day, perfecting the chemical formula for Vulvoline - her line of signature drag-racing motor oils, hot yoga
Quote- "I have summoned Planck quantities of energy to navigate the fabric of space-time back to this primitive era on Earth. I believe our wormhole might have slightly malfunctioned upon my arrival, also ushering in a primeval creature from a far earlier era, vaguely resembling a Moon Moose. I shall have to report this anomaly to maintenance. My mission is to alter the current path of GWAR so that they might prevent the darkest period in the history of the Universe! I have calculated an optimum plan of action to achieve...Hey! Quit staring at my tits!"
See the Berserker Blóthar, Vulvatron and the rest of GWAR as they embark upon the GWAR Eternal Tour and search for Oderus Urungus.
The first leg of the tour will include direct support from Decapitated; the second leg will have direct support from Corrosion Of Conformity. American Sharks will open all shows. The tour kicks off October 15th in Norfolk, VA and runs through December 13th in Baltimore, MD. A complete list of dates can be found below.
GWAR tour dates:
October (with Decapitated, American Sharks)
16 - Sayreville, NJ - Starland Ballroom
17 - Stroudsburg, PA - Sherman Theater
18 - Worcester, MA - The Palladium - "Rock and Shock Festival"
19 - Buffalo, NY - The Town Ballroom
21 - Louisville, KY - Expo Five
22 - Memphis, TN - New Daisy Theater
23 - Dallas, TX - Gas Monkey Live
24 - New Orleans, LA - House of Blues
25 - Austin, TX - Emo's - "Housecore Horror Film Festival*
26 - Houston, TX - Warehouse Live
28 - Oklahoma City, OK - Diamond Ballroom
29 - Sauget, IL - Pop's Nightclub
30 - Lawrence, KS - Granada Theater
31 - Denver, CO - The Summit Music Hall**
November (with Decapitated, American Sharks)
2 - Tempe, AZ - The Marquee
3 - Santa Ana, CA - The Observatory
4 - Reno, NV - Knitting Factory Concert House
5 - San Francisco, CA - The Regency Ballroom
6 - Hollywood, CA - House of Blues
7 - Las Vegas, NV - Hard Rock Live
8 - Magna, UT - The Great Salt Air
10 - Boise, ID - Knitting Factory Concert House
11 - Portland, OR - Roseland Theater
12 - Seattle, WA - Showbox SODO
November (with TBA, American Sharks)
November (with Corrosion Of Conformity, American Sharks)
16 - Calgary, AB - MacEwan Hall Ballroom
17 - Edmonton, AB - Union Hall
19 - Fargo, ND - The Venue
20 - Minneapolis, MN - Skyway Theater
21 - Milwaukee, WI - The Rave
22 - Detroit, MI - Harpo's
23 - Grand Rapids, MI - The Intersection
25 - Indianapolis, IN - The Vogue
26 - Cleveland, OH - House of Blues
28 - Charlotte, NC - Tremont Music Hall
29 - Philadelphia, PA - Electric Factory
30 - New York, NY - Irving Plaza
December (with Corrosion Of Conformity, American Sharks)
3 - Asheville, NC - The Orange Peel
4 - Pensacola, FL - Vinyl Music Hall
5 - Orlando, FL - Firestone Live
6 - Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade
7 - Columbus, OH - Newport Music Hall
8 - Millvale, PA - Mr. Smalls Theater
9 - Toronto, ON - Opera House
10 - Montreal, QC - Virgin Mobile Corona Theater
11 - Clifton Park, NY - Upstate Concert Hall
12 - New Haven, CT - Toad's Place
13 - Baltimore, MD - Baltimore Sound Stage
*No American Sharks
** Havok plays on this show
