Valerie Bertinelli is sharing details on the last moments of her late ex-husband Eddie Van Halen’s life and his impact on her.

"I loved Ed more than I know how to explain," says Bertinelli, who shares their love story in her new book, Enough Already: Learning To Love The Way I Am Today, which is excerpted exclusively in this week's PEOPLE.

PEOPLE's Liz McNeil reports:

"Maybe next time. Maybe next time, we'll get it right."

That's what Valerie Bertinelli said through tears to her first husband Eddie Van Halen as he was dying of cancer in late 2020.

The two had shared almost four decades of "love, anger, frustration and friendship" and raised a son they adored, Wolfgang, before the rock musician died on October 6, 2020, at age 65.

"We were portrayed as a mismatch," she writes of their early years. "The bad boy rock star and America's sweetheart but privately, Ed wasn't the person people thought he was and neither was I."

Though their love was strong, the pair's marriage was tumultuous at times. "I hated the drugs and the alcohol but I never hated him," she says. "I saw his pain."

Even after their divorce in 2007, and as both went on to remarry in later years, they shared a bond — one that grew closer as his cancer spread and Eddie faced death.

On Thanksgiving Day 2019, he came by her home and asked her to speak privately. Once they found a quiet spot in a friend's car, he handed her a small bag with a pendant-sized gold bar that he bought while getting cancer treatments in Germany.

"I hope you don't think it's weird, you know, that I bought my ex-wife this gift and didn't get my wife anything," he told her with tears in his eyes. "I just love you."

"He wants me to know he messed up [during our marriage]," she writes. "I contributed to our troubles too and I am also sorry."

Read the full story at PEOPLE.

(Photo - Valerie Bertinelli Instagram)